The condor passed over the mountain where my spiritual adventure began this August. Although I spent 20 hours on Rila mountain in Bulgaria instead of 6 days as planned, this trip made me ask myself the three most difficult questions, which are there to ask: “who am I?”, “where am I going” and “with whom?”.
Why haven’t I asked myself all those important questions so far? Maybe I was too busy living or too scared to dig into the potential answers.
The realisation of the need to know these answers was born when I faced the truth I wasn’t happy with my life. As if I was swimming in a foreign wavy sea with a tiny inflatable boat, grabbing the tiny handles with all my strength. If I went to a gestalt psychologist I would have described him/her how I felt exactly this way. At the time for the new year resolution I decided to change some things in order to make peace with myself. Step by step I made some (difficult) decisions in order to keep this promise.
Then the loss of my grandfather this August made me think about death for very first time in my life. I didn’t have any idea if I believed in reincarnation or in heaven or in the meaning of all those orthodox customs, which we in Bulgaria have. It’s not that I know what I believe in now but I haven’t bothered giving it a thought before.
I couldn’t help thinking also about meaning of life and about what the hell I want to achieve in my own one. All these thoughts were shared with the right people (some of them meeting accidentally), who gave me the right insights and led me to the right books.
And now I am facing the consequences of all these events and decisions and I must admit it’s quite scary… but it is also exciting and relieving at the same time. Because the easiest thing to do is to cling to the current situation and try to convince yourself it’s not that bad. The difficult thing is to let it go and to overcome the fear of the unknown future. I guess that’s how we live fully and grow up. I tent to believe this bravery will be rewarded! Let’s see…
I know these photos are not the best my old LOMO LC-A made in USSR could do but unfortunately it got old (I guess it was about time!) and it doesn’t function that well but I wanted to post them anyway, since they remind me of this special trip to Rila mountain and the entire philosophical stay I had in my home land this August. I hope you appreciate it.
Camera LOMO LC-A | Film Lomography Red Scale ISO 50-200 | Rila mountain, Bulgaria | Song Simon & Garfunkel – El Condor pasa (1970)